Introducing Me…..
Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.
— Oscar Wilde.
This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.
Hi there! Here’s a little about me…. I’m an average person, in an average city, living a pretty average life. With struggles of course. Average ones.
I’ll start with the good stuff. I have the best daughter ever. Better than average. She’s freaking amazing. She’s 17, in her senior year, gets good grades, lettered in sports, and she hasn’t gotten into too much trouble. She’s going to go to college and knows, for the most part, what she wants to do with her life. And I raised her myself. I had help of course. Friends, family….. it really does take a village people! But I did it. I look at her and her accomplishments and I get to know that I’m the one who made that amazing kid and I helped shape a lot of the young woman she’s becoming. So many proud mommy moments with that girl! I have close friends that are some pretty amazing people. Each one of them offers me something that I need in life and I love them so much for everything.
Now for the harder stuff. I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for a number of years. Some days it’s good, some days it’s not so good. Like I’m scared to leave my home not so good. It sucks. I’ve taken so many different versions, dosages, combinations of medications that I don’t even remember them all anymore. But it always seems to need to change again and again. I should probably be doing some form of counseling but every time I start, I don’t go back. I don’t like bringing up stuff that makes me cry. I cry too easily as it is. I know I should though.
I’ve had some of the worst relationships ever. I’ve been cheated on, lied to, used, abused emotionally and physically, pulled away from my friends and family. My last relationship I thought was “the one”. It felt like we were so great together. We got along, we always were laughing, we had the best sex, we liked the same music, we read the same kinds of books, watched the same silly, stupid shows, we both were a little weird and goofy and it just worked. Until it didn’t. But I kept trying. And ended up getting used and used and used until he decided he was going to move on to someone else. That someone else was a friend. And she was the one I talked to about everything going on with him. And she blew me off to hook up with him on the night I was planning on meeting her for drinks and to give her the Christmas gift I made her. And lied about it. So not only was my heart broken by him, I was hurt by someone I had considered a friend.
I ended 2019 with a lot of pain, a lot of just dark feeling around me. I’m generally a very happy, bubbly person. I have not been that person with so much coming at me at once. (Oh no my friends…… it’s not just the man that gave me pain in my life….. stay tuned because there’s more!) But I want to get back to being happy Sarah again. Bubbly and fun. Not just using up all of my energy to fake the bubbly and fun….. I want the feeling of bubbly back. I like it. So, lucky you, you get to read everything I dump on you here! By all means, if you have any suggestions or helpful hints, throw ’em at me! But please be kind. Remember, I’m using this very public platform as a way of trying to heal the holes inside of me and maybe it can help others as well. Don’t rip open anymore wounds with unkind words. I would like this to be a place of healing.
